Are You Driven by Fear? Choosing Love Post-Divorce Even When It Scares You

When I got divorced it didn’t just change my relationship status—it changed how I saw myself and moved through the world. I found myself questioning what was safe, who to trust, and how much of myself I was willing to offer again.

That constant background of anxiety wasn’t just about the fear of being alone. It was also fear of repeating the same patterns and not having the strength or resources to build something new. Looking back, I realize that I didn’t realize how much fear was driving my decisions without me even realizing it.

I read Gerald Jampolsky’s book Love Is Letting Go of Fear for the first time when I was in high school. Since then I’ve gone back to it over and over and one line has always stayed with me: At any given moment, we’re either choosing from fear or choosing from love. Not both. That idea gave me a new way to navigate the decisions I was facing during divorce – big ones like dating again or shifting my co-parenting boundaries, and smaller ones like how I wanted to show up in everyday moments.

One of the hardest things about fear is that it isn’t always loud. Sometimes it sounds responsible, cautious, or rational. But if it’s keeping you stuck or disconnected, it might be doing more harm than good.

Fear wants control.

Love creates possibility.

Fear says, “Don’t try that—you might fail.”
Love says, “Try it anyway. You’ll learn something either way.”

Fear says, “Protect yourself at all costs.”
Love says, “Protect what matters most—but don’t build walls so high no one can reach you.”

After divorce, it’s natural to feel guarded. You’ve been through something hard. But there’s a difference between wisdom and fear. One guides you forward, while the other keeps you circling the same ground.

Here are two questions I love to ask at key moments:

• What is my true intention here?
• Am I choosing this from love or from fear?

These two questions can shift everything as you look to make decisions with clarity and self-awareness.

Let’s say you’re considering dating again. Fear might say, “It’s not worth the risk.” Love might say, “Take your time. Trust yourself. You’ve grown.”

Or maybe you’re navigating a co-parenting challenge and debating whether to respond with defensiveness or with calm. Fear says, “They’ll walk all over you if you’re too nice.” Love says, “You can hold your boundary and still be kind.”

Choosing love doesn’t mean choosing softness over strength or giving up your power—it’s about using it with purpose instead of reacting out of habit.”

You don’t have to get it perfect.

Just start by being honest.

It’s okay if you’re not ready to open your heart all the way. You don’t need to rush. But you do deserve to live from a place that feels grounded, clear, and true to who you are now—not who you were in survival mode.

Start with small things:

• Reach out when you might normally retreat.
• Say no when people-pleasing used to be your go-to.
• Take a break when you’re used to pushing through.

Each time you act from love—not fear—you’re building something stronger within yourself. You’re rewriting the story of what’s possible.

Love isn’t naive.

Let’s be clear: choosing love doesn’t mean you ignore red flags, stay in toxic dynamics, or give people the benefit of the doubt when they haven’t earned it.

Choosing love means:

• You value peace over performance.
• You set boundaries because you care about yourself and your relationships.
• You stay open to growth, even when you’re scared.

Love is clarity. Love is calm. Love is the strength to say, “I trust myself to handle what comes next.”

Choosing love post-divorce might look like:

• Saying yes to connection, even if it feels risky.
• Saying no to chaos, even if it feels familiar.
• Believing that you deserve a future that’s emotionally safe and deeply fulfilling.

The more often you pause and ask, “What is my true intention here? Is this choice rooted in love?” the more you train yourself to lead from your values, not your fears.

And if you’re not sure what love would choose in a given moment? That’s okay. Sometimes the loving thing is simply asking the question.

Divorce may have changed your path, but it didn’t take away your ability to create something beautiful with what’s ahead. There’s still room for love. Especially the kind that begins with you.