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Divorce is A Shit Sandwich

(Because it is, right?!)

Keeping Your Case Out of Court:
The Right Neutral May Be Just What You Need

Starting tomorrow I will join 500+ attorneys, judges, mediators, coaches, financial professionals and others at the 2024 Family Law Institute, focused on practical approaches and effective solutions in family law.

I am thrilled to be presenting with attorney Diane Wozniak and certified divorce financial analyst, Amy Mahlen Melander to raise awareness about the different neutrals that are available and how utilizing them can contribute to a case, with the goal of keeping families out of court.

This week’s blog post is a summary of the presentation, and I’ve included some commonly asked questions and answers below, as well as a list of resources if you’re looking to add a neutral to your case. 💝💪

Do you have a tough question? Ask away. I’ll find the right experts to weigh in and make sure you’re getting the input you need.

1. It’s too expensive to add another team member. It certainly seems counterintuitive that adding another team member could actually save parties money. However, this is often the case when neutrals are well-utilized for their expertise. For example: A client relying on their attorney for emotional support is often paying two – three times the hourly rate of a divorce coach who is trained to address these specific issues. A CDFA often works with clients to help them budget and make decisions based on tax implications and can save the client thousands of dollars. And some advance planning with a CDLP can help someone budget appropriately for a home and qualify for a lower rate on a mortgage, resulting in greater long-term stability and satisfaction. These are only a few of the ways neutrals can help clients maximize their dollars and make sure their priorities are being addressed.
 
2. Neutrals are unnecessary “extras.” Societal pressures have convinced many people they should be able to handle the maze of divorce regulations and requirements on their own. This is simply untrue and is important to debunk with clients, as uninformed decisions often become costly, both financially and emotionally. Bringing the right neutral to a case can help a client understand the benefits of compromise, make smart financial decisions and get the necessary input to create lasting and appropriate agreements that hold up in court and over time.
 
3. If my case isn’t an official “Collaborative Divorce” can we still use a neutral? Yes! Adding a neutral to any case can be an effective way to improve communication between all parties, keep the process moving forward, and ultimately reduce costs, as a neutral can answer questions, create the first draft of a parenting plan, address the division of personal items, and much more that might otherwise need to be handled by lawyers. Another key benefit is that adding neutrals can save you time and ease your stress knowing that your clients are receiving professional guidance to help them recover well.
 
4. How can we add neutrals on a smaller budget? Neutrals can be added in almost any situation when the parties prioritize their needs and add the right person. Some neutrals will bill hourly or may agree to join a case on a limited basis to address a particular issue.
5. How is confidentiality protected for neutrals? This is an important issue that needs to be considered. One option is to have the attorney hire the neutral as a consultant. It’s also important to have the client give their permission to include the neutral in appropriate communication. Also consider having your client and the neutral sign a common interest agreement to preserve attorney/client privilege.
 
6. Adding a neutral takes away some of my control over the case – I don’t want just anyone working with my clients. This is an understandable concern that can be addressed by first acknowledging that neutrals can make a range of positive contributions to cases. With that in mind, make the effort to get to know professionals who serve in the categories we’ve included. Set up informational meetings so you feel comfortable referring and bringing other respected people to the team as needed. Set clear expectations of the relationship and ask clients for feedback you can use in the future.

Here I’ll share some of the books, websites, podcasts and experts to help make your journey a little less shitty!

Looking for a neutral to add to your case? Check out the websites below, and you can always reach out to me for a recommendation. Whether or not we work together I am always happy to share resources!

CDFAs: Institute for Divorce Financial Analysts website

Join Colorado’s Top Collaborative Divorce Network | Grow Your Practice (ccdp-law.org)

South Denver Collaborative Divorce Professionals  

Foothills Collaborative Divorce Professionals 

Divorce Lending Association 

Certified Divorce Coaches 

Psychologists in Colorado 

Psychology Today 

https://amf-divorce.com/our-blog by Amy Mahlen Melander, Certified Financial Planner™ and Certified Divorce Financial Analyst™

I am a corporate communications VP turned Certified Divorce Coach, and I created the Better Than Before Divorce™️  program for those early in the divorce process who want to reduce the impact of divorce on themselves and their children, minimize conflict and come out BETTER on the other side. Throughout my career I have worked to help executives, teams and individuals communicate succinctly, with clarity, intention, and impact, and I love using these skills to provide support and confidence to women and men tangled in the web of divorce.

My Better Than Before Divorce™️ clients benefit from my 25+ years of experience in crisis communications, branding and marketing, as well as my calm strength and commitment to tangible results. I am also a trained mediator, I’ve completed Colorado’s Collaborative Divorce Level I and II trainings, and I have a bachelor’s degree in psychology and an M.S. in Organizational Dynamics from the University of Pennsylvania.

I hope you found this information useful. Please share your feedback HERE anytime, and visit the rest my website, betterthanbeforedivorce.com, for more information on private coaching, or the Better Than Before Divorce™ online course.