What I’m Thankful for This Year

I am a committed optimist. This can be annoying for people close to me, as I always seem to find the silver lining in difficult situations. I can reframe just about anything, sometimes before others are ready, but it’s part of how I get through hard things. Occasionally I get caught in a chicken-or-the-egg dilemma about which came first – my optimism or the things I am optimistic about? Is my life good, and therefore I am optimistic, or did I use optimism to create the gifts I have? I’ve thought about this a lot and decided it’s both. First, I haven’t had an easy life. My childhood was very difficult and included sexual abuse, extreme bullying and a lot of family trauma. That said, I was never hungry. I always had a place to live, clothes on my back, and people who loved me. Both. As an adult I worked hard to break the patterns I’d been part of. I never imagined I’d get divorced, or have to share custody of my children, but I found a way to get through it and when I say I’m grateful now that it happened, I mean it. I didn’t realize that my relationship was suffering as much as it was, but it’s obvious now that I have distance from it. I love that my children have seen me learn to love myself, and that today they see me choosing a healthier, more loving and fulfilling relationship, and I hope it will be a factor as they make choices for themselves. I also used the lessons from my divorce to pivot into a new career helping others. This is the work I am meant to do, and I love it. I would never have gotten here without experiencing the hardship first. I have also experienced a lot of loss, which helps me value every day. So many people I know have died too soon. What would they have done with extra time? How will I spend the time I have? I will both honor their memory by living fully and admit that I miss them every day and wish they were here. It’s always both. This Thanksgiving I am so grateful to the friends, family and colleagues I’ve been blessed to work with, learn from, sit with, cry with, eat with, sing with, and love. I can honestly say I wouldn’t trade any of the hard things for a smoother path because they all led me here. It wasn’t easy but it wasn’t as hard as many others have it, either. It’s decidedly, gratefully, both. Hannah, Max, Ben, Elyssa and Lee: I love you to the moon and back.