Telling Loved Ones You’re Getting Divorced: Stay Positive, Intentional, and Focused on What Matters Most
Telling your family and friends you’re getting divorced is a daunting conversation. You might be worried about judgment, reactions, or having to explain the personal details of your decision. But here’s the truth: you get to set the tone. You have the power to shape this conversation with love and intention. This is even more important when kids are in the picture, as the people you’re speaking to will likely follow when you set the tone you want.
Here are some ways to approach these conversations with strength and boundaries, keeping the focus on support, compassion, and yours and your children’s well-being.
- Decide What You Want to Say—and What You Don’t
Before reaching out to anyone else, take a moment to get clear on your messages. You don’t need to share all the details of why the marriage is ending. In fact, keeping things simple and neutral can protect both your healing and your co-parenting relationship.
You might say:
- “We’ve decided to end our marriage, and we’re both committed to doing it in a healthy, respectful way.”
- “This has been a thoughtful decision, and our top priority is making sure the kids are supported and surrounded by love.”
- “We’re working together to create a peaceful transition, and we’re grateful for your kindness during this time.”
By keeping the tone calm and clear, you set an example and avoid feeding unnecessary drama.
- Present a Unified Front When Possible
If you and your co-parent are able, consider sharing the news together—especially with mutual friends or close family members. It can help reduce speculation, reassure loved ones, and show that you’re committed to working together respectfully.
When kids are involved, this united front sends a powerful message: “We’re still a team when it comes to parenting.”
Even if you’re not making the announcement side by side, agreeing on the key points you’ll each communicate can help minimize confusion and protect your children from being caught in the middle of conflicting stories.
- Encourage Support—Not Sides
Friends and family often want to be helpful, but they may not always know how. Sometimes their instinct is to “choose sides” or offer uninvited opinions. That’s why it’s so important to be upfront about what kind of support you do need.
You can gently guide the conversation by saying:
- “We’re asking those around us to stay neutral and just be a loving presence for both of us and especially for the kids.”
- “We appreciate your support, and it would mean a lot if you could help us keep things positive.”
Most people just want to be there for you—and when you give them direction, they’ll follow your lead.
- Keep the Focus on the Kids
If you have children, they are likely to be on everyone’s minds. Friends and family might ask how the kids are doing or what they can do to help. This is a great opportunity to reinforce your parenting priorities.
Let them know:
- “We’re being really intentional about helping the kids feel safe and loved through this change.”
- “We’re working with a coach/therapist to support them, and we’re open to any ideas that create more consistency and care in their lives.”
By emphasizing that your children’s well-being is at the center, you help redirect any energy that might otherwise go toward gossip or blame—and channel it into love and stability.
- Protect Your Peace
Lastly, remember that this is your life, your transition, and your choice. You do not owe anyone access to your pain or your private decisions. If someone responds poorly, tries to dig into details, or speaks disrespectfully about your co-parent, it’s perfectly okay to set boundaries.
You might say:
- “I’m choosing to focus on healing and moving forward, and I’d appreciate it if we could keep things respectful.”
- “Right now, I’m just focused on the kids and creating peace on both sides.”
Protecting your peace is not selfish—it’s essential. And it allows you to model healthy boundaries for your children, too.
Moving Forward with Grace
Remember: energy flows where intention goes! By focusing on what matters most you are reengaging your strengths and modeling resilience and kindness for your children.
Set the intention that your outreach to friends and family is the foundation for a stronger support system, a smoother transition, and a brighter, more peaceful future.
You’ve got this. One conversation at a time.