Keep Your Best Self Engaged – Especially During Hard Times

by | Feb 28, 2024

Keep Your Best Self Engaged – Especially During Hard Times

In last week’s blog I shared my definition of a Best Self divorce. I also addressed common objections, i.e., “My ex isn’t behaving as their best self so why should I?”. (Hint: you do it for you, not your ex!).

It’s normal and common that a triggering event, such as an argument, anniversary, or stressful interaction, would set you back and even make you question all your effort. It’s easy to be hard on yourself when you say or do something you wish you hadn’t, but will that help you get back on track and refocused on your goals? Usually, the answer is no. While I believe it’s incredibly important to take responsibility for your mistakes and apologize, it’s equally important to forgive yourself and move on. In those tough situations, how are you speaking to yourself? Are you reminding yourself of your strengths and all you’ve accomplished, or telling yourself a different story?

When you’re really stuck, ask yourself this, “Am I speaking to myself the way I would speak to my best friend?” If not, can you shut down that mean voice and replace it with a kinder one? We’re all human, and making mistakes is part of the process! That’s why being kind to yourself and others, and owning and forgiving yourself for your mistakes, are included in my definition of a best self divorce.

So how can you reset after a setback?

Transformation often occurs when you can accept that mistakes will happen, but instead of beating yourself up, you dig into how to handle them in a way you feel good about – a new way – that reflects who you are becoming in this next phase of your life.  

Here are six questions to help you rediscover your motivation and find long-term perspective:

  1. How do you want to feel when you look back on this time?
  2. How will your actions during this time inspire others?
  3. Can you model dealing with difficult times for your kids?
  4. Who are you when you’re at your best?
  5. What bigger purpose can you see for yourself?
  6. What values are important to you and guide your choices?

If you can, write down your answers and keep them with you. You can take a picture for your phone, put notes to yourself in your car and on your bathroom mirror – whatever it takes to remind you of your strength and larger purpose.

I also recommend revisiting the questions as you go through divorce. Your answers may change as you navigate each step and hopefully, seeing that growth will inspire you to keep making the effort.

At some point, the decisions you’re proud of will outnumber those you would rather forget.

Ready to dig in and figure out who you are at your best? Download my free Better Than Before Divorce™️ workbook here and start moving toward the amazing future you deserve. You CAN be BETTER on the other side!