Top 10 myths of divorce

1. The judge / lawyer will hear my side and make things “right.”

With very few exceptions, it is in your best interest to come up with a settlement that you create together with your team (lawyer, mediator, financial experts, etc.). Despite their best intentions, a judge will never understand the nuances of your family the way you do. It is extremely risky to leave your future in the hands of someone who has a full case load, limited time, and minimal knowledge about you and your family. Your “day in court” may be nothing like you hoped it would be.

2. It’s fair

Unfortunately, “fairness” is a subjective term that is difficult to measure. Something that feels fair to you may seem completely lopsided to someone else. Instead of judging the outcome by an elusive standard like fairness, work with your team to set specific goals that meet your needs. 

3. I don’t need a support system

Divorce is widely known to be one life’s most challenging events. Engaging a support system – both personal and professional – will help you cope with stress, make better decisions, and be present for those around you. Don’t underestimate the importance of your health and wellbeing during this time!  

4. I can’t get a divorce if my spouse doesn’t agree

Your spouse’s agreement will impact the speed and hassle associated with the process, but you don’t have to have their agreement to move forward. Consult a lawyer in your state if you need help locating your spouse.

5. Adultery will influence who gets what

In no fault states, no blame is assigned for a failed marriage. Even if this rule doesn’t apply to you don’t automatically assume adultery will influence the settlement or outcome.

6. You have to go to court

Definitely not true! Most divorces settle outside of court, despite what you might see on TV.

7. You must get divorced in the state where you were married

Not true. Do research residency requirements in the state where you live, but you do not have to return to the state you were married in in order to divorce. 

8. Mothers always get custody

Mothers and fathers have the same legal rights when it comes to child custody. Courts today are focused on what is best for the child(ren), and not on whether it’s the mother or father who provides that environment.

9. Second marriages go better

Actually, statistics show that 60% of second marriages end in divorce, and 73% of third marriages end in divorce. 

10. It matters who files first

In Colorado and other “no fault” states, the only reason for divorce is that it is “irretrievably broken.” It does not matter which person files first.