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To my newsletter,
Divorce is A Shit Sandwich

(Because it is, right?!)

🧐 What’s the #1 Question I Get as a Divorce Coach? (Hint: It’s not about lawyers or custody…)

💔 It’s the quiet question that shows up in coaching sessions more than any other…
🔍 This post explores the deep (and very common) self-blame many people carry during divorce
👥 Learn why even the bravest clients feel shame, and how you can trade isolation for support
🛠️ Includes real-life strategies to reframe your inner voice, talk to loved ones, and start dreaming big again
📬 Plus: share your own biggest question—I might answer it next week!

Question: 

I found out my ex and his significant other will be at an event we’re both attending. I haven’t yet seen them together (he was cheating on me with her) and I am so worried about it. Do I have to talk to them? What should I say?

Answer:

First, give yourself grace. Of course you’re nervous about this situation!

Here are a couple things to remember: 

1. The way you choose to show up is for YOU, not your ex or his partner. Show up confident and strong because you’ll feel good about your choice. As attorney turned author and communications guru, Jefferson Fisher says, “Insecurities are very loud. Confidence is very quiet. Confident people can stay quiet because they have nothing to prove. If you know what you have internally, inside, you don’t have the need, the insecurity to (have to) prove (yourself) to everybody else.” 

2. You don’t have to do anything that makes you uncomfortable, so no, you certainly don’t need to have a conversation with them. Consider a nod or a short, “Hello,” and keep walking. That portrays you as the confident person.

3. Have a buddy! Ask someone you’re attending with to stay near for moral support. 

Finally, this is a great time to engage what I call a Power Statement – anything you do or say to get yourself in a new mindset. It could be a mantra, sentence, thought, quote, prayer, song lyric or anything else that reminds you of your strength and puts you in a positive frame of mind. 

And if you need to leave early, or take care of yourself in some other way, do it. 💪 💝

Here I’ll share some of the books, websites, podcasts and experts to help make your journey a little less shitty!

In the question above I reference author and communications expert, Jefferson Fisher.  I don’t know about you but I love his Instagram (@jefferson_fisher) which is full of thoughtful, actionable ways to improve communication. He grew to 6 million (!!) followers by sharing these simple, powerful tips and now he also has a best-selling book as well.

The lessons here are valuable for all of us at any stage of life, and especially during a difficult transition like divorce.  💪 💝

I am a corporate communications VP turned Certified Divorce Coach, and I created the Better Than Before Divorce™️  program for those early in the divorce process who want to reduce the impact of divorce on themselves and their children, minimize conflict and come out BETTER on the other side. Throughout my career I have worked to help executives, teams and individuals communicate succinctly, with clarity, intention, and impact, and I love using these skills to provide support and confidence to women and men tangled in the web of divorce.

My Better Than Before Divorce™️ clients benefit from my 25+ years of experience in crisis communications, branding and marketing, as well as my calm strength and commitment to tangible results. I am also a trained mediator, I’ve completed Colorado’s Collaborative Divorce Level I and II trainings, and I have a bachelor’s degree in psychology and an M.S. in Organizational Dynamics from the University of Pennsylvania.

I hope you found this information useful. Please share your feedback HERE anytime, and visit the rest my website, betterthanbeforedivorce.com, for more information on private coaching, or the Better Than Before Divorce™ online course.