Why You Need a Divorce Mission Statement

A divorce mission statement can help you stay focused and accountable during divorce. These client examples can help you get started.

I’ve written before about the value of creating both a personal and a divorce mission statement during divorce, but today I also want to share real client examples you can use to draft your own. I love doing this exercise with clients because it’s so easy to lose sight of our values and goals in the messy day-to-day of the process.

In my practice, clients who create and use a divorce mission statement find it easier to prioritize, stay focused on the big picture and make decisions they feel good about along the way. 

Below are mission statements clients and I created together to help guide them through their journey. They have only been edited to remove any kind of identifying information.

Example 1:

We want to untangle our lives based on the values of love and respect for each other; self-advocacy and active listening – specifically, checking our emotional reactions to the situation, so that when we look back on this time, we will be proud of how we did this, and respect our long-term connection and commitment to our kids. Because we want to stand next to each other at our kids’ weddings and celebrations, and for our future grandchildren.

Example 2:

We want to preserve as much of the love and good from our relationship as possible as we reshape our family. We will ask ourselves these questions as we navigate this process.

• Is this respectful of myself and others
• Does this preserve the loving / joyful / adventurous memories of our family?
• Is this the most equitable choice for everyone?
• Am I making choices that reflect who I am at my best / my best self?
• Is this in the best interests of our children?
• Is this supportive of a lifetime of healthy, happy coparenting

Example 3:

We want to remain open hearted and come from a place of love and respect as we each define it and establish and maintain healthy boundaries so that we can minimize the negative impact on each other and on kids and be healthy co-parents long-term and ultimately redefine our relationship for the future.

Example 4:

To continue to treat each other with loving kindness, and be partners to each other, to enable us both to become the best version of ourselves, and as parents.

Whether you create a statement with your spouse or on your own, it’s most important to make it a working document. 

Don’t write it and forget it!

Once you’ve drafted something you like put it on your phone, on your mirror, by your bed and in your car. Use it as a sounding board when you are faced with tough decisions by asking yourself:

• Will this decision help me reach my goals?
• How are my values reflected in this decision?
• What are my options? 
• Should I pause before making this decision?

Ready to create your own? Here is the template I use as a guide:

I want to (what is important to you)  ___________________. Based on my values of ______________ and my goals, so that (what is the legacy you want to leave) ______________________________.

I value (doing x) ___________________ because (why it matters) __________________.
To do this, I will  ________________________________.

For additional inspiration and communication tools you are also welcome to download my free workbook. It includes a list of values to help you prioritize, messaging tips and many other support strategies to use during this difficult time.