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Divorce is A Shit Sandwich

(Because it is, right?!)

What is A “Best Self Divorce,” and Why Is It Important?

There are good reasons why so many professionals will advise you to bring your “best self” to the divorce process. It sounds good, certainly, but what actually is a best self divorce?

Here’s how I define it:

  • One in which you commit to taking the high road,
  • Engaging your strengths and values,
  • Being kind to yourself and others,
  • Owning and forgiving yourself for your mistakes,
  • Celebrating your successes, and
  • Moving unapologetically toward the wholehearted future you deserve.

Common objections to this approach include:

  • My ex isn’t taking the high road, so why should I?
  • It’s too much work.
  • My kids should see who their (other parent) really is.

While these responses are totally understandable, none of them reduce the importance of your commitment to being your best self during divorce.

 Read the full article (including the response to these objections here.

For the full article and many others, visit my website, and you are always welcome to reach out with questions. I’m happy to help!

Do you have a tough question? Ask away. I’ll find the right experts to weigh in and make sure you’re getting the input you need.

Q:  I know I’m supposed to take the high road but my ex is telling our 12-year-old that everything is my fault and I can tell he’s believing it. What should I do?

A: First, I’m so sorry this is happening. It’s stressful for everyone, and can have negative consequences for a child when they are put in the middle by one or both parents. Here are some do’s and don’ts to help you navigate this situation.


  • Talk to your child. Reassure him that you love him, will be present and active in his life and that you’re sorry he’s been caught in the middle of adult discussions. Let him know he does not have to choose between the two of you.
  • Remind your ex that blaming one parent or the other is not appropriate, and can damage a child’s self-esteem, create anxiety and ultimately cause long-term damage. Encourage a healthy, professional outlet for frustration such as a therapist or a divorce coach.
  • Take a parenting course such as parentteam.com (referenced in a recent newsletter) that focuses on raising kids in two households.
  • Consider using an app such as TalkingParents.com or OurFamilyWizard.com to reduce hurtful and unproductive communication.


  • Stoop to the same level and start blaming your ex. That will only throw gasoline on the fire by adding more stress and anxiety to your child’s life.
  • Give up on the relationship with your kid(s). They need both parents!
  • Fight in front of the kids. Have the adult discussions when you know they aren’t present.

Want more info? Download my free communications planner and First Steps Checklist to guide you through creating talking points for friends and family, and reminders of the important things you need to do.

Here I’ll share some of the books, websites, podcasts and experts to help make your journey a little less shitty!

Are you looking for FREE, non-judgmental divorce support in a warm, encouraging environment?

You’ve found it! 🙌

The Better Than Before Divorce™️ Facebook Group is a great way for you to rediscover your strengths, share support and connect with others who are also looking to get through divorce and come out BETTER on the other side!

(And, I check in often to answer questions and offer TLC. Plus – you’ll be the first to know about special offers. 🎁)

Why wait? Join today! I’d love to see you there. 💖

I am a corporate communications VP turned Certified Divorce Coach, and I created the Better Than Before Divorce™️  program for those early in the divorce process who want to reduce the impact of divorce on themselves and their children, minimize conflict and come out BETTER on the other side. Throughout my career I have worked to help executives, teams and individuals communicate succinctly, with clarity, intention, and impact, and I love using these skills to provide support and confidence to women and men tangled in the web of divorce.

My Better Than Before Divorce™️ clients benefit from my 25+ years of experience in crisis communications, branding and marketing, as well as my calm strength and commitment to tangible results. I am also a trained mediator, I’ve completed Colorado’s Collaborative Divorce Level I and II trainings, and I have a bachelor’s degree in psychology and an M.S. in Organizational Dynamics from the University of Pennsylvania.

I hope you found this information useful. Please share your feedback HERE anytime, and visit the rest my website, betterthanbeforedivorce.com, for more information on private coaching, or the Better Than Before Divorceonline course.