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Divorce is A Shit Sandwich

(Because it is, right?!)

Yep. It’s February and here comes Valentine’s Day…

A.K.A. the rancid cherry on top of the giant sh!t sandwich you’re already trying to make your way through. 🤢

I know how this holiday can feel, even if you’re putting on a brave face, so I complied this list of get-through-it strategies from my amazing clients and personal experience.

Some are obvious but still worth the reminder (stay off of social media), and others may surprise you (think Miley Cyrus) 💐

Stay strong, friends! Thankfully, it’s a short month. 💝💪

Read the Full Post Here ✨

Question: 

I just found out that a relative on my ex-husband’s side of the family is getting married and I am not invited. We only divorced recently and I feel like I’ve been closer to his family than he has! I’m so upset and wonder if I should try to figure out a way to go? I can hardly stand the thought of my ex and my kids going without me.

Answer: 

Unfortunately, I would not recommend trying to get yourself invited to this event. Your ex’s family may also be sad that you won’t be there, but given the familial ties it’s not surprising that they invited him and not you. As difficult as it will be not to go, you obviously want the wedding to be about the couple, and you wouldn’t want to distract from the events with any divorce-related drama. 

Depending on your situation it may be appropriate to make a plan to visit the bride and her family at another time so you can celebrate together. If that isn’t possible send a card wishing her the best but take the high road and don’t make her feel guilty about the situation. Staying positive and wishing her well will keep the door open to a future relationship (if you both choose to have one) once things have settled and the divorce isn’t so new.

One last suggestion – make plans for the weekend so you’re not just stewing at home while they’re away. Do something you enjoy, with people who are supportive and make you laugh. ❤️

Here I’ll share some of the books, websites, podcasts and experts to help make your journey a little less shitty!

AI as a communications tool in divorce

Your ex texts you a message that triggers you and you automatically start to respond in kind… sound familiar?

You know better but it’s so hard to pause in the moment and walk away.

Here’s another idea: what if you asked whatever AI model you use to give you a Bill Eddy BIFF (Brief Informative Factual Firm) – style response that you can use as a starting point? I love this idea for several reasons:

1. It forces you to take a few minutes before you respond. That pause can change your perspective and help you focus on the outcome you want vs. just responding and escalating.

2. You may get an idea for language that you weren’t able to think of in the moment.

3. You can use what you learn to inform the next exchange: how you paused, what you said and how it was received.

Pay attention to what works and what doesn’t. How else might you use this tool to help you craft productive exchanges?

I’d love to hear what you come up with! Feel free to share your ideas and success stories with me.

I am a corporate communications VP turned Certified Divorce Coach, and I created the Better Than Before Divorce™️  program for those early in the divorce process who want to reduce the impact of divorce on themselves and their children, minimize conflict and come out BETTER on the other side. Throughout my career I have worked to help executives, teams and individuals communicate succinctly, with clarity, intention, and impact, and I love using these skills to provide support and confidence to women and men tangled in the web of divorce.

My Better Than Before Divorce™️ clients benefit from my 25+ years of experience in crisis communications, branding and marketing, as well as my calm strength and commitment to tangible results. I am also a trained mediator, I’ve completed Colorado’s Collaborative Divorce Level I and II trainings, and I have a bachelor’s degree in psychology and an M.S. in Organizational Dynamics from the University of Pennsylvania.

I hope you found this information useful. Please share your feedback HERE anytime, and visit the rest my website, betterthanbeforedivorce.com, for more information on private coaching, or the Better Than Before Divorce™ online course.