Welcome
To my newsletter,
Divorce is A Shit Sandwich
(Because it is, right?!)
OK, it’s January and you’re starting the divorce process. What’s next?
If you’ve been holding on, waiting until the new year to start the divorce process, you’re not alone.
Whether you made the decision recently or knew it was coming and waited out the holiday season, the steps you’ll take are the same. In addition to the “must-do’s” this week’s post lists other impactful but less talked about tips to help you navigate the early days of this important decision, including this one, which I believe is most important of all.
The full post is here. 💝💪
Do you have a tough question? Ask away. I’ll find the right experts to weigh in and make sure you’re getting the input you need.
Question:
I have gone back and forth for what seems like years, but I’m ready to tell my spouse I want a divorce. Should I hire a lawyer before we talk, or wait? How should I have this conversation?
Answer:
While every situation is unique there are a few important steps anyone should take if you are moving forward with sharing this news with your spouse. Here are a few of them:
1. Be thoughtful about what you need to address in that first conversation. This obviously won’t be the only opportunity you and your spouse have to discuss this transition so prioritize what you communicate now, and what can be addressed later. Remember, your spouse may not have been thinking about this for as long as you have and may need more time to process. Give yourself and him/her the best chance to absorb the information, and that will happen with thought and intention about this first conversation.
2. Have a plan for what you’ll do next. Are you planning to leave for awhile to give your spouse space? Do you have an idea of where you’ll go, or if you’ll continue to stay in the same house? Is that something you need to have resolved already, or do you think the two of you can make the decision together?
3. What will be your spouse’s triggers, and can you structure your discussion to address those down the road? For example, one client came to me knowing her husband would be very triggered by telling his family and discussing finances. She addressed those issues directly, saying I know we need to talk about them but we don’t have to do it now. As a result they had a much calmer conversation.
Other important considerations include timing and location (are kids home, do you want to be in public or at home, etc.); clarity (have you decided, or are you open to reconciliation); and of course there are a number of logistical elements as well.
For more steps and recommendations, check out my Guides to Tough Conversations here.
Here I’ll share some of the books, websites, podcasts and experts to help make your journey a little less shitty!
I have several new free and low-cost resources to choose from – wherever you are in your process.
✨ NEW! ✨
Free Quiz – Where are you in your process and what step can you take right now to improve it? Get your results and bring your questions to my monthly sessions:
Ask-Me-Anything Sessions – Third Tuesday of every month, 11-12:30 MT. No agenda, just support. Ask a question in advance, listen in, or stay anonymous – whatever works best for you!
Guides for the Tough Conversations
Choose the one(s) you need for $9.99/each or get them all for only $29.99
- How do I tell my spouse I want a divorce?
- How to talk to the kids about divorce?
- Sample “divorce letters” to update the people in your life
- Scripts & strategies to handle unwanted divorce advice
Other Free Resources:
Start here checklist – The must-do’s and more when you’re starting divorce
Mini-workbook – Messaging, mission statement templates, goal setting & more
Maximize the attorney/client relationship – keep bills down and make this important relationship work for you!
I am a corporate communications VP turned Certified Divorce Coach, and I created the Better Than Before Divorce™️ program for those early in the divorce process who want to reduce the impact of divorce on themselves and their children, minimize conflict and come out BETTER on the other side. Throughout my career I have worked to help executives, teams and individuals communicate succinctly, with clarity, intention, and impact, and I love using these skills to provide support and confidence to women and men tangled in the web of divorce.
My Better Than Before Divorce™️ clients benefit from my 25+ years of experience in crisis communications, branding and marketing, as well as my calm strength and commitment to tangible results. I am also a trained mediator, I’ve completed Colorado’s Collaborative Divorce Level I and II trainings, and I have a bachelor’s degree in psychology and an M.S. in Organizational Dynamics from the University of Pennsylvania.
I hope you found this information useful. Please share your feedback HERE anytime, and visit the rest my website, betterthanbeforedivorce.com, for more information on private coaching, or the Better Than Before Divorce™ online course.