Welcome

To 2024, and the January issue of my new monthly newsletter, Divorce is A Shit Sandwich

(Because it is, right?!)

Is January Really “Divorce Month?”

Unofficially, January is often known as “Divorce Month” due to the number of people who start the divorce process at the beginning of the year. If you’re moving forward, or considering divorce, some preparation now will save money and reduce stress for you, your spouse, kids, and extended family. Here are three key things you can do to make your process smoother and more predictable:

1. Get your finances organized. Make a spreadsheet that lists all your bank accounts, investments, real estate, insurance policies, etc. and the passwords / login information for each. Finances are often one of the most stressful components of divorce, but remember that knowledge is power! If starting feels overwhelming, make a list and do a little bit each day. And give yourself credit for each accomplishment – doing so will help you feel better about tackling the next item on the list.

2. Think about your support system. Almost every divorce – no matter how amicable – includes some stress and grief. It’s a complicated and emotional process during which you may feel isolated and overwhelmed. That’s totally normal, and so is needing extra support from those around you! If you’re wondering who to ask and how to do it, I wrote an article on this topic for divorcedmoms.com. Putting thought and effort into this area may seem like lowest priority, but consider how difficult it can be to make good decisions when you’re emotionally compromised. Engaging support for you and your family will help you stay on track to make the best decisions possible for your future.

3. Set goals for the process. You might say this isn’t needed – your goal is to get divorced! But there are lots of ways a divorce can go, and being clear about the tone and outcome you want right from the beginning will help you get there. One way to do that – think of the headline you would write after the divorce if everything went the way you hoped. “We completed our divorce respectfully and fairly, and we work hard every day to be healthy coparents.”

I have many other tools and articles to help you in this process on my website, and you are always welcome to reach out with questions. I’m happy to help!

Do you have a tough question? Ask away. I’ll find the right experts to weigh in and make sure you’re getting the input you need.

Q: I haven’t told my spouse that I want a divorce. What’s the best way to tell him/her?

A: I love this question, as there are significant benefits to thinking through this initial conversation. I believe communication is one of the best tools you have in divorce – it’s free, and totally in your control. Using it well will definitely have a positive impact on your outcome.

• In thinking about that first conversation, consider:
• How and where should you have it? You don’t want to be interrupted and you want to give it the right amount of time.
• Can you plan so your kids aren’t home?
• Do you feel it’s important to be in public? In private?
• What are your spouse’s triggers, and how might you plan for them? For example, if he/she is worried about money, address it. “I know this will present financial challenges but I hope we can stay focused on this initial discussion right now and we’ll talk about the money in the next conversation.”

Want more info? Download my free communications planner and First Steps Checklist to guide you through creating talking points for friends and family, and reminders of the important things you need to do.

Here I’ll share some of the books, websites, podcasts and experts to help make your journey a little less shitty!

One of the most difficult aspects of divorce is often telling the kids and then working to address their concerns, support them, and set up healthy longterm coparenting.

And while this is definitely challenging, there are steps parents can take to make the process easier on everyone.

My absolute favorite resource for healthy two-household parenting is parentteam.com. I have had the privilege to attend trainings with cofounder, Brandyn Roark Caires, and the course that she and her business partner, Jen Schimbeno have created, is full of wisdom, practical exercises, and resources for every parent. It includes age-specific information, scripts and more, and it’s only $99 for two licenses.

I am a corporate communications VP turned Certified Divorce Coach, and I created the Better Than Before Divorce™️  program for those early in the divorce process who want to reduce the impact of divorce on themselves and their children, minimize conflict and come out BETTER on the other side. Throughout my career I have worked to help executives, teams and individuals communicate succinctly, with clarity, intention, and impact, and I love using these skills to provide support and confidence to women and men tangled in the web of divorce.

My Better Than Before Divorce™️ clients benefit from my 25+ years of experience in crisis communications, branding and marketing, as well as my calm strength and commitment to tangible results. I am also a trained mediator, I’ve completed Colorado’s Collaborative Divorce Level I and II trainings, and I have a bachelor’s degree in psychology and an M.S. in Organizational Dynamics from the University of Pennsylvania.

I hope you found this information useful. Please share your feedback HERE anytime, and visit the rest my website, betterthanbeforedivorce.com, for more information on private coaching, or the Better Than Before Divorce™ online course.