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To my newsletter,
Divorce is A Shit Sandwich
(Because it is, right?!)
Let’s Talk About the “C” Word. Are You Struggling to Find and Keep Control in Your Divorce?
In a time of upheaval and uncertainty a natural coping mechanism is to seek control wherever we can find it. But relentlessly pursuing control can exhaust you and have other negative consequences for your emotional health.
In this week’s blog post I walk through specific scenarios where our desire for control often shows up:
– Coparenting, specifically around what happens (or doesn’t happen!) at your ex’s house
– Getting caught in an unhealthy and exhausting communication spiral
– When your ex is dating and sharing more than you’d like with the kids
Sound familiar? 😬
For each of these scenarios I offers steps you can take to “Let Them,” (thank you, Mel Robbins) and in doing so protect your time, energy and well-being.
Check it out! Learning to “Let Them” can absolutely change your life for the better. 💝 💪
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Do you have a tough question? Ask away. I’ll find the right experts to weigh in and make sure you’re getting the input you need. |
Question:
I’m three months post-divorce and I have primary custody of my three children. When I was married I cooked all our meals from scratch, took care of the house and kids and I really didn’t mind. But now I am just exhausted all the time and have no desire to do those same things. I’m just not motivated anymore. I’ve been feeling so guilty and I don’t understand where this change is coming from.
Answer:
My friend, you are healing. While I don’t know the details of your divorce, it sounds like you are an incredibly dedicated parent working to do the best you can for your family. Post-divorce the things the kids (and you!) need are different. Kids get older, priorities shift, and you are now a single parent juggling as much or more than you were when you were married.
Listen to your body! It’s telling you that you need some recovery. What will happen if you bring in dinner or go out sometimes instead of cooking? Will something terrible happen if you put off house cleaning for a bit?
It may be easy to blow these things off as small and insignificant, but if you don’t pay attention to these signals you risk burn out, exhaustion, and potential physical consequences as well, all of which would compromise your ability to be the parent you want to be and that your kids count on.
Don’t underestimate the importance of taking care of yourself. Can you start by acknowledging that different isn’t always bad? Maybe you can involve the kids in cooking and house support and you will all benefit. However you do it, I hope you will approach your own healing the same way you would treat one of your kids who needed it: with love, grace, and understanding. ❤️
Here I’ll share some of the books, websites, podcasts and experts to help make your journey a little less shitty!
I highly recommend this new book by best-selling author and motivational speaker, Mel Robbins.
In this week’s blog post I talk about the many ways you can apply the Let Them Theory to divorce to help you manage stress, reduce anxiety and focus on your emotional well-being. And good news: these strategies extend beyond divorce as well, and can help you move into the next phase of your life with more clarity and confidence.
🙌 Here is one of my favorite quotes 🙌
“Learning how to let other adults manage their own emotions will change your life. So will learning how to let your own emotions rise and fall while still communicating what you need to, even when it is very painful to do so. And there will be times when making the right decision for yourself is going to be one of the hardest things you have to do in life.”
I am a corporate communications VP turned Certified Divorce Coach, and I created the Better Than Before Divorce™️ program for those early in the divorce process who want to reduce the impact of divorce on themselves and their children, minimize conflict and come out BETTER on the other side. Throughout my career I have worked to help executives, teams and individuals communicate succinctly, with clarity, intention, and impact, and I love using these skills to provide support and confidence to women and men tangled in the web of divorce.
My Better Than Before Divorce™️ clients benefit from my 25+ years of experience in crisis communications, branding and marketing, as well as my calm strength and commitment to tangible results. I am also a trained mediator, I’ve completed Colorado’s Collaborative Divorce Level I and II trainings, and I have a bachelor’s degree in psychology and an M.S. in Organizational Dynamics from the University of Pennsylvania.
I hope you found this information useful. Please share your feedback HERE anytime, and visit the rest my website, betterthanbeforedivorce.com, for more information on private coaching, or the Better Than Before Divorce™ online course.