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Divorce is A Shit Sandwich

(Because it is, right?!)

Should I Stay or Should I Go? This Game May Help You Decide.

A few months ago, I worked with a divorcing couple to help them set an amicable and intentional foundation from which to coparent and communicate with friends, family and each other as they transitioned their relationship. A few months after they completed their divorce I checked in and learned about an amazing game the two of them created as they faced tremendous social pressure not to divorce.

I’m sharing it here, hoping it will be a valuable tool for others who are considering divorce but struggling with societal “shoulds.”

Check it out! I’d love to hear what you think.

Do you have a tough question? Ask away. I’ll find the right experts to weigh in and make sure you’re getting the input you need.

Question:

My spouse and I want to use a mediator for our divorce. Would you recommend this? What are the advantages and disadvantages?

Answer:

Mediation can be an excellent way to finalize divorce, provided you and your spouse are clear about what it does and doesn’t provide. Primarily, mediation is an opportunity to structure an agreement that meets your needs in an expeditious and cost-effective manner. There are several benefits to this approach:

1. It’s creative – you can come up with the arrangements that works for you as long as you both agree, and it meets the legal requirements of your state.
2. It’s cost effective. Many couples have a good idea of what they want and need help finalizing and putting those ideas in writing. Mediation is a productive way to do that.It
3. gives you access to an expert without having to each retain counsel. A mediator is neutral – so doesn’t represent either one of you, which can be helpful in getting you to an agreement.

Potential cons of mediation:

1. The flip side of number three above is that you don’t have someone specifically representing your interests. If this worries you consider paying an attorney a consulting fee to review the agreement before you sign.
2. If you have a highly contentious situation or a complex financial situation mediation may not address your needs. you may need additional financial or mental health professionals
3. If you don’t know what your financial situation is, or feel your spouse has not shared all the financial information, individual legal counsel is probably warranted.

As a coach, I often work with people during their mediation process to help them set goals, focus on compromise, and redefine “winning.” If you think mediation might be a good option for you, interview two-three different mediators to get a sense of their process and don’t be afraid to ask questions!

Here I’ll share some of the books, websites, podcasts and experts to help make your journey a little less shitty!

Here are three different mediators I have worked with in Colorado and highly recommend.

1. Garske Divorce Mediation – Non-attorney mediation facilitated by Certified Divorce Financial Analysts to ensure a complete understanding of the tax and financial consequences of the decisions made in divorce.
2. Rose-Ann Landau – Rose-Anne is an experienced attorney-mediator and arbitrator well-versed in complex custody and financial situations. You can reach her at [email protected]
3. Zac Roeling, founder, YouLaw Colorado – Zac is a strategic and collaboratively trained attorney and mediator focused on keeping costs down and avoiding unnecessary conflict, including an evaluation of likely court outcomes based on his litigation background.

Please note that I am committed to compiling and sharing the best possible resources for you as you navigate this challenging time. There is no financial incentive for me to recommend the mediators listed here, or any other service or professional. That said, I am also confident that you will be treated with respect and receive the highest quality information and service if you do choose to speak with someone I recommend. You are always welcome to use my name when reaching out.

I am a corporate communications VP turned Certified Divorce Coach, and I created the Better Than Before Divorce™️  program for those early in the divorce process who want to reduce the impact of divorce on themselves and their children, minimize conflict and come out BETTER on the other side. Throughout my career I have worked to help executives, teams and individuals communicate succinctly, with clarity, intention, and impact, and I love using these skills to provide support and confidence to women and men tangled in the web of divorce.

My Better Than Before Divorce™️ clients benefit from my 25+ years of experience in crisis communications, branding and marketing, as well as my calm strength and commitment to tangible results. I am also a trained mediator, I’ve completed Colorado’s Collaborative Divorce Level I and II trainings, and I have a bachelor’s degree in psychology and an M.S. in Organizational Dynamics from the University of Pennsylvania.

I hope you found this information useful. Please share your feedback HERE anytime, and visit the rest my website, betterthanbeforedivorce.com, for more information on private coaching, or the Better Than Before Divorce™ online course.