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To my newsletter,
Divorce is A Shit Sandwich

(Because it is, right?!)

Are Toxic Exchanges with Your Ex Raising Your Stress Level? 😰
This One Realization Will Change Everything.

Maybe it’s a back and forth about an upcoming event with the kids, or finances, or one of you requested a schedule change. Sometimes, the topic doesn’t matter at all – if you’re in a negative cycle, any communication can devolve into blaming and disparaging, causing stress and anxiety for you and those around you.

If you’re engaged in this unhealthy back-and-forth and ready for it to end, the shift can happen as quickly as you desire.

Really.

This week’s article has the information you need, including questions to ask yourself as you make important decisions that will change the dynamic whenever you’re ready. 💝💪

Do you have a tough question? Ask away. I’ll find the right experts to weigh in and make sure you’re getting the input you need.

Question:
Recently, a client asked me a great question: “What do you mean by messaging?”

Answer:
I’m so glad she asked me to clarify a phrase that I use a lot! If she’s wondering, I’m sure many others are as well.

I think of your messaging during divorce as the specific way you share information about your situation with those around you. I also use that term to describe the intentional approach I recommend using to communicate with your ex. Here are some examples:

Messages for family and friends:

• Our marriage is ending but we’ll always be connected by our children. We are both committed to helping them through this with love and consistency. We will not badmouth the other parent.
• Please support us in treating (my ex) with compassion. We are both sad and overwhelmed.

To kids (adjust based on age / emotional maturity)

• We know this is hard for you.
• We will provide unconditional love, support and a safe space to express yourself.
• Nothing that happened is your fault.
• We both love you completely.

For myself

• I am strong and resilient. I have done hard things before and I can do this, too.
• I am worthy of love and belonging.
• My “next best me” is out there, even if I can’t imagine it today.

For my ex

• I will think about that and get back to you.
• Thanks for asking. That does / doesn’t work for me.
• That doesn’t work but __________________ does.
• No. (I promise, it can serve as a complete sentence!)

Here I’ll share some of the books, websites, podcasts and experts to help make your journey a little less shitty!

The messages above are examples you are welcome to use and customize. If you’d like to create your own custom messages, download my free communications planner here. I also have free scripts if you’d like help creating messages to share with well-intended friends and family who are trying to direct your divorce.

I am a corporate communications VP turned Certified Divorce Coach, and I created the Better Than Before Divorce™️  program for those early in the divorce process who want to reduce the impact of divorce on themselves and their children, minimize conflict and come out BETTER on the other side. Throughout my career I have worked to help executives, teams and individuals communicate succinctly, with clarity, intention, and impact, and I love using these skills to provide support and confidence to women and men tangled in the web of divorce.

My Better Than Before Divorce™️ clients benefit from my 25+ years of experience in crisis communications, branding and marketing, as well as my calm strength and commitment to tangible results. I am also a trained mediator, I’ve completed Colorado’s Collaborative Divorce Level I and II trainings, and I have a bachelor’s degree in psychology and an M.S. in Organizational Dynamics from the University of Pennsylvania.

I hope you found this information useful. Please share your feedback HERE anytime, and visit the rest my website, betterthanbeforedivorce.com, for more information on private coaching, or the Better Than Before Divorce™ online course.