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Divorce is A Shit Sandwich

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Basic Do’s and Don’ts When Talking To Kids About Divorce

In any divorce involving children, talking to them about the situation is one of the hardest things you’ll do. Some thoughtful planning will help reduce their anxiety and yours and will help you stay focused on the kids during this tough conversation.

The list of Do’s and Don’ts here will help you prepare, share the important messages that you want to get across, and be ready for what comes after the talk. 

There are even a list of messages you can draw from, and four key things to consider before you say a word!

Get all the important info in the full article. 💝💪

Do you have a tough question? Ask away. I’ll find the right experts to weigh in and make sure you’re getting the input you need.

Question:

How old does a child need to be to choose where they want to live?

Answer: 

This is a commonly asked question, and each state has its own laws governing when and how a child gets to decide where and with whom they want to live. In Colorado, there is no specific age at which a child can refuse to see a parent (and this is common in many other states as well), but according to Natalie Whitacre, a family law attorney at Sherman & Howard, “one of the factors a court will consider is the preferences of the child if they are sufficiently mature to express reasoned and independent (i.e., not influenced by a parent) preferences. I have heard judges state that age 12-13 is right on the cusp of what is considered to be mature enough. The older the teenager the more weight their preference typically carried.” 

Natalie adds, “In Colorado, fifteen is the age at which a child can seek mental health services without consent from a parent. This may be an indication that fifteen is sufficiently mature to make certain decisions independently.” 

This can be a tricky and stressful situation for everyone involved, so I recommend you consult an attorney about the specifics of your case and the relevant laws in your state.

Here I’ll share some of the books, websites, podcasts and experts to help make your journey a little less shitty!

Dr. Lisa Damour is a clinical psychologist and the author of three New York Times best sellers: Untangled, Under Pressure, and The Emotional Lives of Teenagers, which have been translated into 23 languages. She works to support parents and caregivers around the world and has a ton of amazing content for parents.

On this Ask Lisa: The Psychology of Parenting podcast episode she addresses how to help kids through the challenge of divorce.

Here are links to two books she recommends as well.

“Joint Custody with a Jerk: Raising a Child with an Uncooperative Ex – A Hands-on, Practical Guide to Communicating with a Difficult Ex-Spouse,” Julie A. Ross, M.A., and Judy Corcoran

“Growing Up With Divorce: Helping Your Child Avoid Immediate and Later Emotional Problems,” Neil Kalter, Ph.D.

I am a corporate communications VP turned Certified Divorce Coach, and I created the Better Than Before Divorce™️  program for those early in the divorce process who want to reduce the impact of divorce on themselves and their children, minimize conflict and come out BETTER on the other side. Throughout my career I have worked to help executives, teams and individuals communicate succinctly, with clarity, intention, and impact, and I love using these skills to provide support and confidence to women and men tangled in the web of divorce.

My Better Than Before Divorce™️ clients benefit from my 25+ years of experience in crisis communications, branding and marketing, as well as my calm strength and commitment to tangible results. I am also a trained mediator, I’ve completed Colorado’s Collaborative Divorce Level I and II trainings, and I have a bachelor’s degree in psychology and an M.S. in Organizational Dynamics from the University of Pennsylvania.

I hope you found this information useful. Please share your feedback HERE anytime, and visit the rest my website, betterthanbeforedivorce.com, for more information on private coaching, or the Better Than Before Divorce™ online course.