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Divorce is A Shit Sandwich

(Because it is, right?!)

Are Hot Buttons Hijacking Your Progress? 😡

Five Ways to Regain Control When You’re Triggered

Most of us have at least one “Hot Button,” or “Trigger”  issue that when activated, can quickly turn a tough conversation into a heated battle. 🔥

Unfortunately, a stressful time like divorce can make it more difficult than usual to manage these triggers, but some thought and planning can really help!

In this week’s article I share some practical reasons why it’s worth the effort to identify the issues that cause you (and your spouse!) to react so intensely, and five proven ways to change the direction of a conversation when you know it’s heating up.

Need another reason to find healthy ways to manage these issues? Think about the next phase of your life and what you’re moving toward. Being aware of what triggers you will help you to be your best self both during and beyond divorce. 💝💪

Do you have a tough question? Ask away. I’ll find the right experts to weigh in and make sure you’re getting the input you need.


Are there any ways to structure our separation agreement that would help me keep my house? I desperately want to keep it, but I’ll need to get creative and want to know if there are things I can do to improve my chances of being able to afford it on my own.


Without more detail, my answer is, there certainly could be!

I recommend you speak to a Certified Divorce Lending Professional (CDLP), as their focus is working with those going through divorce so they can qualify for a home loan, whether they stay in the existing house or are looking to purchase a new one. 

This is an important issue, so below is more information about CDLPs, including a recommended resource, Karla Kyte, who is an experienced CDLP focused solely on divorce. Karla is based in Denver, but she’s part of a national group, the Divorce Lending Association, that works with people all over the country.

It’s definitely worth connecting with a CDLP early in the process, to make sure you take advantage of any opportunities that exist. Doing so could help you avoid returning to court to modify a separation agreement that could have been done differently from the beginning because what may be a legal option may not be a mortgage option.  Planning properly for your future housing during this incredibly stressful time can really help to put your mind at ease.

Here I’ll share some of the books, websites, podcasts and experts to help make your journey a little less shitty!

I am happy to share information about my colleague, Karla Kyte. Karla is a Branch Manager and Originating Loan Officer at Cross Country Mortgage, where she focuses on working with divorcees and the challenges they face when structuring the equity buyout of a retained home, assumptions of a current loan, as well as the qualification needed to purchase a new home.

A CDLP has received specialized training in divorce mortgage planning, so she is uniquely qualified to answer the complicated questions that are almost always part of any dissolution.

Karla can be reached at [email protected], ccm.com/Karla-Kyte, 303.525.9077.

Please note that I am committed to compiling and sharing the best possible resources for you as you navigate this challenging time. There is no financial incentive for me to recommend Karla or any other service or professional. That said, I am also confident that you will be treated with respect and receive top-notch information and service if you do choose to speak with anyone I recommend. 

I am a corporate communications VP turned Certified Divorce Coach, and I created the Better Than Before Divorce™️  program for those early in the divorce process who want to reduce the impact of divorce on themselves and their children, minimize conflict and come out BETTER on the other side. Throughout my career I have worked to help executives, teams and individuals communicate succinctly, with clarity, intention, and impact, and I love using these skills to provide support and confidence to women and men tangled in the web of divorce.

My Better Than Before Divorce™️ clients benefit from my 25+ years of experience in crisis communications, branding and marketing, as well as my calm strength and commitment to tangible results. I am also a trained mediator, I’ve completed Colorado’s Collaborative Divorce Level I and II trainings, and I have a bachelor’s degree in psychology and an M.S. in Organizational Dynamics from the University of Pennsylvania.

I hope you found this information useful. Please share your feedback HERE anytime, and visit the rest my website, betterthanbeforedivorce.com, for more information on private coaching, or the Better Than Before Divorceonline course.