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Divorce is A Shit Sandwich

(Because it is, right?!)

Is Everyone Telling You How to Manage Your Divorce?

One of the most challenging things about divorce is the need to be at your decision-making best during a time when you are likely at your emotional worst. If you’re feeling alone and overwhelmed, it’s logical to turn to friends and family for advice, and hopefully what they share with you is helpful.

But what happens when it’s not? Or when you are being bombarded by well-meaning but inappropriate “suggestions” about how you should manage your situation (throw all his/her belongings out the window; hide the passports, etc.)?

Do you have the energy, clarity, and awareness to set boundaries and find the “right” response to the input without creating more conflict in your life? As a divorce coach, I often see people stuck in this awkward position: you’re grateful for the support, but you know it doesn’t align with your goals. While your friends and family have your back, some of their ideas could make the situation worse. You have so much on your plate already and don’t want one more difficult conversation, especially with someone who is genuinely trying to help.

What to do?

Don’t ignore the problem and hope it will go away! Instead, use these scripts to help you customize your messages and share them with confidence.

I understand the temptation to skip over anything that isn’t on fire now, but if you’re willing to apply lessons you’re learning about how to communicate and work with a partner to the other important people in your life, there are so many opportunities for growth and change. After all, we all get stuck in patterns and sometimes we don’t even realize how routine some of our choices have become.

Self-examination is brave and difficult and will likely make you uncomfortable. But it can also be incredibly rewarding to get to the other side of all that work.

What new version of yourself might you discover with renewed confidence, and when you acknowledge that you deserve a fulfilling, meaningful life?

One of the reasons it can be so frustrating to work on these relationships is because you probably didn’t think you would need to do it. It’s one thing to set boundaries with your spouse / ex, and you know it will take intention and effort to redefine that relationship. But you may be surprised to find you need to do the same with siblings, parents, or friends, and you may feel it’s not worth the risk. You may also be frustrated that you even have to say what you need. Don’t they know? You may be right! But even if you are, will being right eliminate the need for difficult conversations?

  • What kind of a toll will it take on you if you find yourself avoiding your family, or bottling up the things you want to share?
  • On the other hand, how might a thoughtful conversation contribute to your long-term goals and transformation?
  • Could setting new boundaries in different aspects of your life help you regain your confidence and ultimately improve relationships with people you love?

I know how hard these conversations can be, so to help you share what you need with kindness and strength, I created free scripts you can download and customize. I hope you will use them to clearly articulate your needs, set boundaries and do it all with appreciation and gratitude for the people you value most. Most importantly, I hope you will remember that you are worth the effort you’re making to get through this time and come out BETTER on the other side. You CAN do it. One small step at a time!  💪 💝

For more blog posts and articles visit my website, and you are always welcome to reach out with questions. I’m happy to help!

I am a corporate communications VP turned Certified Divorce Coach, and I created the Better Than Before Divorce™️  program for those early in the divorce process who want to reduce the impact of divorce on themselves and their children, minimize conflict and come out BETTER on the other side. Throughout my career I have worked to help executives, teams and individuals communicate succinctly, with clarity, intention, and impact, and I love using these skills to provide support and confidence to women and men tangled in the web of divorce.

My Better Than Before Divorce™️ clients benefit from my 25+ years of experience in crisis communications, branding and marketing, as well as my calm strength and commitment to tangible results. I am also a trained mediator, I’ve completed Colorado’s Collaborative Divorce Level I and II trainings, and I have a bachelor’s degree in psychology and an M.S. in Organizational Dynamics from the University of Pennsylvania.

I hope you found this information useful. Please share your feedback HERE anytime, and visit the rest my website, betterthanbeforedivorce.com, for more information on private coaching, or the Better Than Before Divorceonline course.