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Divorce is A Shit Sandwich

(Because it is, right?!)

You’ve probably heard a lot about setting new boundaries as you navigate the divorce process, but do you know what that really means? 

Changing the relationship with your spouse / ex often comes with emotional triggers and frustration, but healthy boundaries can help you transition to a productive relationship that’s focused on the future, not the past.

In this week’s blog post I dive into this important topic, offer clarity on what a boundary is (and just as important, what it isn’t!), and share tips you can use to set and keep boundaries during this challenging time.

Are you a people pleaser, or someone who’s gotten into the habit of putting everyone else first (or if you’re asking for a friend 😉) check it out!

Do you have a good way to define and manage your boundaries, or tried something that didn’t work? Reach out! I’d love to hear your insights. 💝

Do you have a tough question? Ask away. I’ll find the right experts to weigh in and make sure you’re getting the input you need.

Question: I was married for more than 15 years and had a great relationship with my in-laws. I miss them now that we’re divorced and I’m hurt they haven’t reached out. I want to let them know how sad I am. Can I call them to discuss?

This is a common situation and so understandable, as you’re grieving the loss of more than just your spouse when divorce takes place.

There are a few things to consider as you decide whether or not to contact your spouse’s family.

  1. Be clear about your true intention. If it’s simply to say hello and check in, great, but if you’re actually fishing for information, or hoping they’ll “side” with you, it’s not a good idea. They probably miss you, too, but it’s not appropriate to ask someone’s family to say something that would make them uncomfortable.
  2. Without knowing how long it’s been since the divorce, I recommend you give it several months or a year, then send a text on a holiday just wishing them well. There’s no harm in being the first to break the ice, and in all likelihood they just didn’t know how to handle reaching out to you.
  3. If you have an amicable relationship with your ex, considering asking if they’d mind you touching base. That might make the family more comfortable responding.

In my experience, families are eager to maintain relationships with both parties post-divorce, but don’t know how to do it. If you and your spouse can address this issue together (via a joint email, or a message you both agree to share) that will help people navigate this unknown area the way you’d like.

Remember – there are no rules for how this has to go – you get to decide what’s best for you and your family, and some advance planning can really help.

For a template to create messages, and a plan to communicate with friends and family, download my free workbook here.

Here I’ll share some of the books, websites, podcasts and experts to help make your journey a little less shitty!

Have you downloaded the Better Than Before Divorce™️ workbook yet?

It’s a great tool for anyone who wants to 

  • Set and move toward healthy goals (during or post-divorce!)
  • Create with clear messages
  • Look back on this time knowing you did your best (mistakes and all!)

Download the free workbook here, or share it with someone you love! 

I am a corporate communications VP turned Certified Divorce Coach, and I created the Better Than Before Divorce™️  program for those early in the divorce process who want to reduce the impact of divorce on themselves and their children, minimize conflict and come out BETTER on the other side. Throughout my career I have worked to help executives, teams and individuals communicate succinctly, with clarity, intention, and impact, and I love using these skills to provide support and confidence to women and men tangled in the web of divorce.

My Better Than Before Divorce™️ clients benefit from my 25+ years of experience in crisis communications, branding and marketing, as well as my calm strength and commitment to tangible results. I am also a trained mediator, I’ve completed Colorado’s Collaborative Divorce Level I and II trainings, and I have a bachelor’s degree in psychology and an M.S. in Organizational Dynamics from the University of Pennsylvania.

I hope you found this information useful. Please share your feedback HERE anytime, and visit the rest my website, betterthanbeforedivorce.com, for more information on private coaching, or the Better Than Before Divorceonline course.