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Divorce is A Shit Sandwich

(Because it is, right?!)

You’ve Got This! 💪🏼 (At least that’s what you have to tell yourself  ❤️‍🩹)

How to engage a Power Statement when you need a reminder

In season two of Ted Lasso you may remember Rebecca explaining to Keeley and Nate what she does to boost her confidence before she goes into a room of intimidating football club chairmen. She describes how she goes somewhere private, raises her arms, and makes herself as “big as possible,” to feel her own power. She uses a specific physical process to help her overcome feelings of insecurity.

I don’t know about you, but I felt her power when I watched her demonstrate that process. It’s so unexpected, and such a great reminder that we can all benefit from a healthy dose of our inner strength. Have you ever come up with a way to psych yourself up for something difficult, like an exam, a big game, or a tough conversation?

I like to call this tool – whatever you do or say to get yourself in a new mindset – your Power Statement, and I’ve found it to be remarkably handy during divorce. Here’s how I describe it:

A mantra, quote, prayer, or anything else that inspires you, helps you refocus, change perspective, and be reminded of your strengths.

Anything can be a Power Statement: a quote, song lyric, or poem you love, something you’ve written, a video, a piece of paper in your pocket, or on your phone, or a physical ritual like Rebecca has in Ted Lasso. The only thing that matters is that it speaks to you and helps you shift perspective and engage your best self.

Here are a few examples, and there are endless options to choose from. If you’ve created your divorce goals and mission statement, they can be a great source of inspiration.

• I am strong and resilient and I will get through this.
• I have done hard things before and I can do this, too.
• I am worthy of love and belonging.
• An amazing future is out there for me, and I deserve it.
• I am enough, exactly as I am.
• The serenity prayer. (This is my personal go-to)

How should you use your Power Statement?

• Say it out loud before bed each night and when you get up
• To provide focus before a difficult meeting, or interaction
• As a reminder of priorities and goals before a big decision
• When you’re feeling overwhelmed and looking for some positive perspective
• Anytime you need a pick-me-up or reminder of your larger purpose

A Power Statement can be a valuable tool at any stage of life, and you might find that you have different ones for different situations.

I would love to know what you come up with! Share it with me here if you’d like. I can’t wait to see them.

Do you have a tough question? Ask away. I’ll find the right experts to weigh in and make sure you’re getting the input you need.

Q: I’ve written messages down but find that when I’m triggered, they go right out of my mind and I respond in a way I’m not proud of. How can I regain some control around this?

A: It’s so easy to slip into old patterns when we get triggered! Here are two ways to regain control when you feel it slipping.

• Change the environment. Walk away, put down the phone, say you need a break… any of these options give you a chance to breathe and regroup. Remember – your ex can’t make you say or do anything. They may try to goad you into a response but ultimately, you choose how you handle yourself. Not taking the bait is a powerful decision that puts control squarely back in your court.
• Use your Power Statement! Think about what triggers you and envision the response you want. Ask yourself: if this conversation went exactly the way I want it to, what would that look like? With that end goal in mind, prepare for the conversation knowing you have the tools and vision to make it happen. You can even create a Power Statement specifically for these conversations: I am in control of my response. I choose to stay calm.

Do you have other tools you use? Send me your tips – I’d love to hear them!

Here I’ll share some of the books, websites, podcasts and experts to help make your journey a little less shitty!

This book of quotes from author, Cheryl Strayed is one of my very favorites. Most pages in my copy are dog-eared and if you have my workbook you’ll see some of her quotes included. Sometimes I just open it to a random page for some comic relief, or a bit of inspiration. Keep it by your bedside and enjoy! 

I am a corporate communications VP turned Certified Divorce Coach, and I created the Better Than Before Divorce™️  program for those early in the divorce process who want to reduce the impact of divorce on themselves and their children, minimize conflict and come out BETTER on the other side. Throughout my career I have worked to help executives, teams and individuals communicate succinctly, with clarity, intention, and impact, and I love using these skills to provide support and confidence to women and men tangled in the web of divorce.

My Better Than Before Divorce™️ clients benefit from my 25+ years of experience in crisis communications, branding and marketing, as well as my calm strength and commitment to tangible results. I am also a trained mediator, I’ve completed Colorado’s Collaborative Divorce Level I and II trainings, and I have a bachelor’s degree in psychology and an M.S. in Organizational Dynamics from the University of Pennsylvania.

I hope you found this information useful. Please share your feedback HERE anytime, and visit the rest my website, betterthanbeforedivorce.com, for more information on private coaching, or the Better Than Before Divorce™ online course.