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Divorce is A Shit Sandwich
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The Three Holiday Questions I Get Most Often
Are you wondering how you’ll get through this challenging holiday season?
You’re not alone! So many of us struggle during this time. Add in a divorce or separation, and of course you’re stressed.
This week’s blog post addresses the three most common questions I get about the holidays, including this big one: How can I get through my time alone?
I provide specific strategies in the blog post, and you can also listen to this new episode of the Intentional Divorce Insights podcast where I was asked to address this issue.
Do you have a tough question? Ask away. I’ll find the right experts to weigh in and make sure you’re getting the input you need.
Question:
My ex and I have been separated for about a year (the divorce is not yet final). He is going away for the holidays with the new person he’s dating. They have been together for only a few months and my kids don’t know. They are asking if we can celebrate the holidays together and I don’t know what to say?
Answer:
This is an important question that comes up often. Without knowing the details of your divorce or your kids’ ages, I would suggest the following steps:
1. Connect with your coparent and create a schedule and plan for the holidays. This will give you the opportunity to tell the kids what to expect and take the focus off where he will be when they are with you.
2. Once you have a plan share it with the kids. Let them know that this is the schedule that works best and that you won’t be celebrating together this year.
3. Do your best to leave it at that with regard to his plans. Focus on what you and the kids will do while you’re together and not on what he’s doing.
It’s not your job to protect him, but it’s also important to thoughtfully introduce kids to a new person in a parent’s life. I recommend moving slowly and taking the high road. You may or may not feel he “deserves” your generosity, but you’re doing it for your kids, not your coparent! When in doubt, remind yourself that you are helping them have a healthy relationship with both of you. I promise, they will ultimately thank you. 💪💝
Here I’ll share some of the books, websites, podcasts and experts to help make your journey a little less shitty!
🌟New Podcast Episode Alert 🌟
I’m excited to share highlights from my recent guest appearance on the Intentional Divorce Insights podcast with host Leah Hadley. As we approach the holiday season, we discussed practical strategies for managing this often challenging time, especially for those going through or recovering from a divorce.
Here are some of the highlights:
💡 Acknowledging the Differences: Recognizing that the holidays will look different and giving yourself permission to break from traditions can be a huge relief.
💡 Proactive Communication: Having pre-planned responses for those inevitable, sometimes awkward questions at social events, to keep the conversation positive and within your comfort zone.
💡 Building Your Support System: Leaning on friends and family to accompany you to events or to even leave early if needed can make a big difference.
Listen to the full episode for more insights to empower your journey during the holiday season.
I am a corporate communications VP turned Certified Divorce Coach, and I created the Better Than Before Divorce™️ program for those early in the divorce process who want to reduce the impact of divorce on themselves and their children, minimize conflict and come out BETTER on the other side. Throughout my career I have worked to help executives, teams and individuals communicate succinctly, with clarity, intention, and impact, and I love using these skills to provide support and confidence to women and men tangled in the web of divorce.
My Better Than Before Divorce™️ clients benefit from my 25+ years of experience in crisis communications, branding and marketing, as well as my calm strength and commitment to tangible results. I am also a trained mediator, I’ve completed Colorado’s Collaborative Divorce Level I and II trainings, and I have a bachelor’s degree in psychology and an M.S. in Organizational Dynamics from the University of Pennsylvania.
I hope you found this information useful. Please share your feedback HERE anytime, and visit the rest my website, betterthanbeforedivorce.com, for more information on private coaching, or the Better Than Before Divorce™ online course.