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Divorce is A Shit Sandwich

(Because it is, right?!)

The Power of Support

This week, a casual conversation with a friend took me back to a trip and an event that changed my life eight years ago.

I don’t often talk about that time, but in the unexpected conversation I learned about a gift that brought me to tears. 🎁

In this week’s blog post I share the story, the surprising realization and the lessons that I was reminded of. (Hint, this story gave me new perspective on both giving and accepting support that I hope will help you, too!). ❤️‍

Read the full post here.

Do you have a tough question? Ask away. I’ll find the right experts to weigh in and make sure you’re getting the input you need.

Q: My spouse and I are starting the divorce process and he doesn’t want us to use lawyers. He says it’s because of the expense. Should I agree?

A: This is such an important question and unfortunately there isn’t just one answer. There are certainly many effective ways to move forward with divorce, including mediation and doing it yourself (called pro se). Here are a few things to consider when deciding whether or not to use an attorney:

• Are you in agreement about how you will divide most assets?
• Are you comfortable that you can find an acceptable custody arrangement that works for your family? (And do you feel it will last beyond this initial separation period?)
• Are you confident that you both have full knowledge about all your financial accounts and information?
• Do you feel you are both committed to a fair and reasonable working relationship?
• Are you both committed to healthy coparenting?

If you and your spouse are amicable and committed to taking the high road and communicating well, using a mediator or creating your own plan may work well for you. On the other hand, if you are concerned that there’s information you don’t know, or that your spouse is attempting to control the process by keeping a lawyer out of the mix, proceed carefully.

If you do move forward without representation, I highly recommend that you have an attorney review any agreement to make sure it meets all your state’s legal requirements and that you are not overlooking anything significant. Many attorneys offer unbundled services for just this reason, and are happy to review your plan. 

Here I’ll share some of the books, websites, podcasts and experts to help make your journey a little less shitty!

If you’re looking for some powerful motivation, watch this video of Duke Women’s Basketball Coach, Kara Lawson.

She asks her players, “Are you waiting for life to get easier? It will never get easier.”  Instead, she says, “You become someone who handles hard stuff better. If you have a meaningful pursuit in life, it will never be easy. So make yourself someone that handles hard well, and whatever it is that comes at you, you’re going to be great.” 

I’ve watched it again and again and I just put a sticky note on my computer that says, Handle Hard Better.

What would it look like for you to change your perspective on what’s easy and hard?

I am a corporate communications VP turned Certified Divorce Coach, and I created the Better Than Before Divorce™️  program for those early in the divorce process who want to reduce the impact of divorce on themselves and their children, minimize conflict and come out BETTER on the other side. Throughout my career I have worked to help executives, teams and individuals communicate succinctly, with clarity, intention, and impact, and I love using these skills to provide support and confidence to women and men tangled in the web of divorce.

My Better Than Before Divorce™️ clients benefit from my 25+ years of experience in crisis communications, branding and marketing, as well as my calm strength and commitment to tangible results. I am also a trained mediator, I’ve completed Colorado’s Collaborative Divorce Level I and II trainings, and I have a bachelor’s degree in psychology and an M.S. in Organizational Dynamics from the University of Pennsylvania.

I hope you found this information useful. Please share your feedback HERE anytime, and visit the rest my website, betterthanbeforedivorce.com, for more information on private coaching, or the Better Than Before Divorce™ online course.