Welcome
To my newsletter,
Divorce is A Shit Sandwich
(Because it is, right?!)
Celebrating a birthday with my Dad, Stepmom and sisters
Happy Father’s Day! And A Special Thanks to My Dad
On Mother’s Day I wrote about the many ways my mom and stepmom coparented, and how grateful I am for the effort they put into creating a healthy blended family. (Did you miss it? Read the article here.)
This week I celebrate the Dads and offer a special thanks to mine. 💝
Despite the fact that my sister and I lived in Boulder and he was in Denver, he was committed and involved. The lessons he taught me continue to inform my decisions and have made me a better parent.
Holidays like Father’s Day are great opportunities to find gratitude and share the love, but it’s also true that separation and divorce can complicate an event and add complexities that didn’t previously exist.
If you’re struggling to navigate this new reality, check out the article, and remember that there’s no rush! Be kind to yourself as you figure out your new normal. 💝💪
Do you have a tough question? Ask away. I’ll find the right experts to weigh in and make sure you’re getting the input you need.
Question: My ex didn’t help our young kids get me a gift or a card for Father’s Day. I’m frustrated and want to figure out a long-term solution to this. Help!
Answer:
I believe that holidays, including Mother’s and Father’s Day, birthdays, and any holiday you celebrate during December, can be impactful and relatively easy ways to make a big deposit in your coparenting bank, and it’s one that will absolutely pay off.
Here’s why:
Your kids may not be old enough or independently able to buy or make a gift, or even remember that a holiday is coming up. But you do know. And by helping your kids to make a card or pick out a small gift, you do something generous for your kids and demonstrate respect for your child’s other parent, without having to interact with them at all.
You may feel like your ex doesn’t deserve it, or doing something for the other parent isn’t how you want to spend your parenting time, but respectfully, this is about your kids and their well-being. Showing their other parent this small but significant gesture of respect is really for your kids, but what if it also had a positive impact on your relationship with your ex? I’ve seen smaller things change an icy tone.
If you’re hesitating, consider whether you want your kids to feel bad they didn’t do something for the other parent. If you choose to ignore the holiday and pretend it’s not your job to help, what else are you teaching them? Wouldn’t you rather they can come to you about anything, that they don’t feel stressed about telling you what’s on their mind? On Mother’s Day I wrote about how my parents made a commitment to actively supporting the other parents. “We never felt uncomfortable talking about our other home in either place.” It was impactful enough that I’m writing about it more than 45 years later!
I hope you’ll consider taking the first step to help your kids show their love to their other parent. Your coparent might even follow your lead, which could positively impact your dynamic and give you one less thing to disagree about. Either way, I doubt you’ll regret doing something good for your kids, and it might be the first step toward healthier parenting and coparenting.
Here I’ll share some of the books, websites, podcasts and experts to help make your journey a little less shitty!
In honor of Father’s Day, enjoy these videos!
Kid President’s Message to Dads: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uJgtecD6-Uc
Kids Perspective on Dads | The Fatherhood Project https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=htO0wSxVGyI
“Shape of You,” Ed Sheeran Father’s Day Parody https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WE1_63nYel4
I am a corporate communications VP turned Certified Divorce Coach, and I created the Better Than Before Divorce™️ program for those early in the divorce process who want to reduce the impact of divorce on themselves and their children, minimize conflict and come out BETTER on the other side. Throughout my career I have worked to help executives, teams and individuals communicate succinctly, with clarity, intention, and impact, and I love using these skills to provide support and confidence to women and men tangled in the web of divorce.
My Better Than Before Divorce™️ clients benefit from my 25+ years of experience in crisis communications, branding and marketing, as well as my calm strength and commitment to tangible results. I am also a trained mediator, I’ve completed Colorado’s Collaborative Divorce Level I and II trainings, and I have a bachelor’s degree in psychology and an M.S. in Organizational Dynamics from the University of Pennsylvania.
I hope you found this information useful. Please share your feedback HERE anytime, and visit the rest my website, betterthanbeforedivorce.com, for more information on private coaching, or the Better Than Before Divorce™ online course.